A title can change hands in an afternoon, and the person who receives it can spend years working out whether it fits. That gap sits at the center of family business succession, and it rarely shows up in the paperwork. Through EVOKE Your Story™, a methodology I created that brings together storytelling, neuroscience, and Heart Intelligence, my husband and co-founder, Shanga, and I help people explore the stories that shape their identity, decisions, and the way they lead. And I’ve come to believe these stories deserve a seat at every succession planning table.
If you run a family business, or you are the son, daughter, niece, or nephew expected to run it next, you probably know the usual checklist. Attorneys draft the documents, accountants plan the transfer, someone values the company, and a date goes on the calendar. All of that matters, and none of it should be skipped. What often gets overlooked is the conversation about the stories, expectations, and assumptions each family member brings to the table. What does the business mean to them? What role do they believe they’re supposed to play? And is that the role they actually want? These conversations don’t require an attorney, but they do require curiosity, honesty, and a willingness to listen. This article explores why they matter and how to begin having them before the handoff.
A Perfect Succession Plan Can Still Miss the People In It
Legal structure gets attention because it is concrete, and financial transfer gets attention because it comes with numbers and deadlines. The question of what each family member wants from the business feels softer, so it tends to slide down the agenda until nobody raises it at all.
That might be less of a problem if we understood ourselves as well as we think we do. Research suggests a gap often exists between the two. While most people believe they are self-aware, an estimated 10 to 15 percent actually meet the criteria (Source: Harvard Business Review, 2018). Researchers also distinguish between two types of self-awareness: how clearly we understand ourselves and how well we understand how others see us. Interestingly, the two aren’t necessarily connected (Source: Harvard Business Review, 2018). In a family business, a founder might assume the next generation wants to take over without ever asking, while a successor might know exactly what they want but have little idea how the founder or longtime employees perceive them.
This is where role confusion comes in, and I think it explains a lot of the friction that can arise during leadership transitions. A title comes with responsibilities, decisions, and expectations, but a person brings an entire history into that role. When someone inherits a leadership position without a clear understanding of their authority or how they see themselves within the company, those two things can collide. Imagine a new president making their first major purchase, only to discover that everyone still expects the founder to approve it. The successor might interpret this as a lack of trust, while the founder sees it as simply being helpful. Neither is necessarily wrong. They’re just operating from different stories about what their roles mean.
And that’s where narrative identity comes in. Psychologists use this term to describe the evolving story we tell ourselves about who we are, how we got here, and what gives our lives meaning and continuity (Source: Evolutionary Studies in Imaginative Culture, 2019). A successor who has always seen themselves as “the one who keeps the peace” may suddenly find themselves in a position where they have to make difficult decisions that won’t please everyone. The title may have changed overnight, but the story they carry about themselves may not have caught up.
Three Conversations Your Attorney Cannot Have for You
Nothing below replaces the legal and financial work. These steps sit beside it, drawing on the storytelling and communication tools I developed through EVOKE to help leaders navigate change.
Name roles and responsibilities out loud, while recognizing the personal stories behind them. Before a formal transition begins, spell out the job in plain language: which decisions belong to the successor, which stay with the founder for now, and which will be made together. But don’t stop at defining responsibilities. Get curious about what those roles mean to each person. A founder may struggle to let go of decisions because the business has been central to their identity for decades. A successor may hesitate to take charge because they’ve always seen themselves as the child rather than the leader. A role can change hands on a Tuesday, but the stories we’ve carried about ourselves for years don’t necessarily change with it. Recognizing those stories can keep a budget disagreement from becoming a deeper question of trust, authority, or belonging.
Write down the company’s origin story from each person’s perspective. Ask each family member involved to write the story of how the company began, in their own words, before anyone compares notes. Questions such as what the business cost the family, what it gave back, and who was in the room when the big decisions were made can reveal assumptions and emotions that have never been spoken aloud. Then share the stories with one another, not to decide whose version is right, but to get curious about why each person remembers and interprets the same history differently. Stories can help us connect emotionally and see experiences through someone else’s eyes. And sometimes, simply hearing another person’s version of a familiar story can change how we understand our own.
Build regular story check-ins into the governance structure. In plain terms, that means making these conversations part of how the family communicates and makes decisions. Put a short story check-in on the calendar, perhaps once a quarter, and give it the same importance as the budget review. Ask how each person sees their role today, what stories or assumptions might be influencing their decisions, what has changed since the last conversation, and what they need from one another. As a transition unfolds, roles and relationships evolve, and regular conversations can help prevent misunderstandings from becoming conflicts. It’s also worth pausing to connect with a sense of calm before beginning. Through our work with HeartMath®, we’ve seen that approaching difficult conversations with greater emotional awareness and self-regulation creates space for curiosity, listening, and more thoughtful communication.
Start With the Story Your Family Already Carries
Succession is a legal and financial event, but it’s also a story that one generation hands to the next. And that story is rarely the same for everyone involved. A founder may see a lifetime of sacrifice and achievement, while the next generation may see responsibility, opportunity, or expectations they never quite agreed to. Neither perspective tells the whole story. That’s why I believe each person’s narrative deserves as much attention as the legal and financial planning. A title can pass from one generation to another, but understanding what it means to you, and how you want to carry it forward, is a much more personal journey. No legal document can do that work for you.
If your family is heading toward a leadership transition, I’d love to introduce you to what we do at EVOKE. Through our EVOKE Your Story™ online course, private coaching, and customized executive and team training, we help people recognize the stories shaping how they lead, communicate, and make decisions. Learn more on our website. The best place to begin is with a simple question: What conversation has your family been putting off?
Anna Rosa Parker founded EVOKE Your Story™, a storytelling-based methodology that helps individuals, leaders, and organizations navigate identity, communication, and change. A Narrative & Identity Strategist, Guest Lecturer at New York University, and certified HeartMath® Coach, she created EVOKE before her husband and co-founder, Shanga Parker, joined in 2023. Together, they bring their experience as creatives, partners, and entrepreneurs to help people understand the stories shaping how they live and lead. Learn more at evokeyourstory.com.